MY DAD CONSTANTIN – Solo show at Keramiskt center, Höganäs
My biological father disappeared when I was eleven years old.
As an adult I have thought many times about men growing up without a father figure. It was only recently that I reflected on the fact that daughters, when they grow up, need that father figure as well.
I have often felt confused and unknowingly fought with the world for the right to be accepted and to feel loved. Just the thought of being abandoned has been unbearable; that’s why I almost always end up leaving first.
I have waited for him to come back and be proud of me. In moments of clarity I have realized that he is never coming back, that I will never see him again. But that’s not what I find most difficult, that’s the feelings of inadequacy. His absence has been a wound that has never healed. For the first time I came to the path where I could see that to heal that wound I need a spiritual father, a male model, a man I respect and admire.
During my first stay in Jingdezhen, China, I met a colleague who mentioned Constantin Brancusi for the first time, since that time I heard his name I have returned to him again and again. I find his work like a dictionary not only in sculpture but on a much deeper level, as if my bond with him has strengthened over time.
Throughout my creative process for my exhibition in Höganäs this summer I got closer to his essence as a sculptor by making my own podiums in oak wood and clay.
If I have physically polished the pores of the wood and formed angles with the clay, spiritually I have approached a father figure that teaches and supports. His art helps me overcome a trauma that I have struggled with all my life: being abandoned.
Welcome to my life Constantin! I allow myself to be indulged by you. You will always be my spiritual father!
Photo: Michelangelo Miskulin